The Loser, Day 3 – Limits: 640 Words

This is the second of our recurring “limits” posts. As the month progresses you’ll come across all sorts of limits: time, word count, point of view, structure. If you get stuck, try rewriting an earlier story in a new way, using these ‘limits’ posts.

The Prompt
Write a story in 640 words

I am really upset, now. I have many problems. Allah isn’t fear to me. Why Allah always give me hardship. I am bored! I feel I stay in a narrow room. It is not a room, it’s a cave! I can’t see my light!

“ I HATE MY LIFE!” I kicked a wall of my room.
“HEY! KEEP SILENT! The wall doesn’t have any mistakes! You’re CRAZY, Man!” Zaid, my youngest brother protested my action. I’m mad at him. “It is not YOUR BUSINESS! Keep your words, Okay!”
“It’s my business, you have disturbed many people here! Our Mom and I are disturbed by you! It’s better for you to leave this house. You’re a trouble maker! You’re a bad brother for me! I don’t want to see your face! You’re the LOSER!
Zaid didn’t reply my word. He leaved me quickly. His bad words had made me very angry. I took my jacket and leaved the house. I saw Momma in the door of her room. She is gaping at me.

I’m sorry Mom, I have to go now.


I drove my Tiger fast to mountain. I loved nature. I liked to spend my times at beach, or mountain when I had a problem. I usually get peace there. I enjoyed the amazing pictures in front of me, the beautiful mountain. The wind was blowing breeze, it made me fresh. I ignited my Marlboro. It was very delicious. I am an active smoker. Marlboro is the best cigarette. I inhaled it enjoyably. I loved to play with its smokes. I saw the beautiful face of Asma my girlfriend. I heard her nice voice in my heart.

Zidane, I really love you! I’ll wait you patiently. I want to be your first and your last wife.
Asma, where are you now? I really missed you. I….
Then I saw Ziad my elder brother in that smoke, a great steel-manufacturer in Java. He is very individualist. He didn’t care his brothers and his parents. He only cares his business and himself. Bad man!

I can get my success because of my work. I have worked hard. You must work hard as I did. If not, so you will be a loser.

I AM NOT THE LOSER! I AM THE WINNER!!! I yelled out loudly. I hate that word. Zaid and Ziad called me the loser.
I heard the other voice. Voice of Zaid.

Yes, you’re a loser. Bye-bye loser!

I was broken heart to hear their bad voices. I hate my life! I need someone to talk. I’ll talk to Andre, my classmate in Senior High School. Now, he works as a taxi driver in Jakarta. I must go there.


“Do you know the reasons, why your brothers called you a loser?” Andre asked me when I talked him all my problems.

“I’m jobless, so that they called me a loser. I hate them!”
“Why you don’t find a job?”
“It’s hard Andre. I’m not like you! I want a good job, a good position, Man!” I explained my dream about jobs to him.
“Those are the problems. Please see yourself, your ability, your special skill. Then try to apply jobs! You must try it, Zidane!” Andre advised me to find jobs soon. He looked up me, and said, “If you want I can help you to connect you to my Boss. What do you think about it?”
“Thanks Andre, I’ll think first.” Actually I didn’t feel interest to be a taxi driver. It was low level of jobs.
“I got you, friend! Please remember, you can remove your bad label. Firstly, you must remove your ego. Don’t think about good level job, but complete your skill first! You can, Zidane!” Andre supported me well.
I remembered his advice.
Can I remove that label?
Andre said, “YES, YOU CAN!”

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