This time, I want to share a few popular questions especially for girls before and after their marriages. These “beautiful” questions are base on my experience and other facts in my tribal/ community. I don’t know exactly the other tradition in any region of my country.
I ever gotten all the questions, and I would argue that the questions can make girls so hard facing their lives. The people gave these to the girls over and over, from generation to generation.
Please check the questions below!
1. Where do you school?
If a girl has chosen continuing her studies to the university or college, ordinarily she will get this question from her big family, her neighbors and from some relatives of her parent. They ask about school in detail, what her program is, what her performance is, and so on.
Some of girls prefer to get a job directly after finishing their Senior High School than to continue their study, and so do their parents. Parents who have high education will choose a bonafide university for their girls. So lucky, the girls who have parents like these.
2.What is your job?
What about a girl who prefer to find a job than to continue her studies?
Some people still ask her. Also in detail, what her job is, where she gets a job, how many her salary is, how high her position is, and etc. Someone who gets good job can answer this question proudly. Getting a good job is one of standard of success in life. It’s according to person’s mind that put wealth as his mind goal in life.
3. Do you have a boyfriend?
For a girl, this question sometimes can make hurt her heart. We can’t imagine how hard she has to answer it. If a girl answer “Yes I have”, the people will feel happy and motivate her to keep him well. That’s so strange, because Islam itself doesn’t allow it. Gone out with a boy who is not mahram with her, is forbidden within our deen. On the contrary, the people will give many question to a girl who answer “No, I don’t have, and I won’t find a boyfriend except a man for my husband in future.”
Why you don’t try to find a boyfriend? You need a man to be your spouse, so you should find him. How could you’ll get your marriage if you avoid men?
In this situation, a girl has to be patient to face this fact. She has to have a good principle and hold on it strongly. The people may offer their opinions, but they can not interfere the life of other, of course.
4.When will you get your marriage?
A girl who has age 22 or up , will feel uncomfortable with their community where she lives. The people will never stop from asking upon girl.
Maybe she will think, is it as a good attention for her or just platitude from the community of hers?
The range of age for marriage that were accepted by people in my community , for female 17 to 25 and for male 25 to 40, and sometime the age for male it isn’t an important point, conversely it’s very important thing for female. When the people see a girl among them who has age more than 30 years old, and doesn’t have her marriage yet, it will be so strange.
“Why she doesn’t have a spouse ? She is an old lady, when will she marry a man? What would she find in this life, career or marriage?”
5.Has Allah rewarded your marriage with a baby?
Do you think the people will stop from asking, when a girl has a marriage?
The people still has the other questions for her, anyhow she has a husband.
“Hey, young lady! Make your baby, please! It’d be nice! Your marriage without baby within it, is nonsense. Without baby, it’d be insipid. Sadly.”
The such question often makes a trouble for a new couple, especially for a wife. Her husband and her big family should console her, a baby is such blessing from Allah, if Allah will, He will give one to this couple. The important thing, they should believe it well. Don’t waste the time for thinking that stupid question. In a fact, the people can not make a baby, if Allah doesn’t will. Keep smile, please!
6. When your kid will have younger brother/ sister?
“Your kid needs friend for playing at home. It’s time for you giving him/her a younger brother/sister. S/he will grow well and happily.”
7. When and to where your kid will start his/her studies?
Now, a girl has a wonderful husband and nice kid. A happy family. But, wait, do the people feel enough from asking? Oh, no they don’t. Next question is about studies of the kid.
In particular, when the kid in pre-school age. The big family, also neighbors often ask about his/her school.
“Is s/he schooling?”
If s/he is schooling, a parent can answer it nicely. Then explain that they have sent their kid to favorite kindergarten. It is not a problem for them to answer. What about the other parent who chose home as basic education for kid?
Many of people do know, learning is something activity that should be done at school at an early age. But the other parent believe, the first school is MOM and home as the first base education, before the kid starting his/her studies to other school. Let’s see the beautiful word below!
أَلْأُمُّ هِيَ اَلْمَدْرَسَةُ الْأُولَي
Mom is the first school.
It doesn’t mean the child will study at home forever, s/he needs the other environments, such as school, college and university, except for a parent who decided making homeschooling for kid. It’s a choise.
This is the last question that a girl/ woman will receive. Next question is back to the first question. The people will ask these over and over again.
Better for girl knowing that everyone has different opinion. The people may offer these questions, but they can’t force someone to follow their minds. A girl has some right to choose what should she does or shouldn’t she does. She has a freedom choosing her way in her future life. SURELY.
Allah has created us [ the human ] through our parents [ man and woman ]. With the unique relationship between them. Its purpose to continue our generation in this world. And the best way for it by “ Marriage “ according Islam Rules.
Unless for these cases, Adam alaihissalam, Eve, and Isa alaihissalam. Allah has said about the creation of them in quran al karim.
The Similarities Between the Creation of Adam and the Creation of `Isa
Allah said,إِنَّ مَثَلَ عِيسَى عِندَ اللَّهِ
(Verily, the likeness of `Isa before Allah) regarding Allah’s ability, since He created him without a father,
(is the likeness of Adam), for Allah created Adam without a father or a mother. Rather,
(He created him from dust, then (He) said to him: “Be!” and he was.)
Therefore, He Who created Adam without a father or a mother is able to create `Isa, as well, without a father. If the claim is made that `Isa is Allah’s son because he was created without a father, then the same claim befits Adam even more. However, since such a claim regarding Adam is obviously false, then making the same claim about `Isa is even more false.
Furthermore, by mentioning these facts, Allah emphasizes His ability, by creating Adam without a male or female, Hawa’ from a male without a female, and `Isa from a mother without a father, compared to His creating the rest of creation from male and female. This is why Allah said in Surah Maryam,
((This is) the truth from your Lord, so be not of those who doubt.) meaning, this is the only true story about `Isa, and what is beyond truth save falsehood Allah next commands His Messenger to call those who defy the truth, regarding `Isa, to the Mubahalah (the curse).
Islam doesn’t allow this ummah [ muslim and muslimah ] to choose a single blessedness. Becouse most of our prophet married , carrying on their lineage.
We can see in surah Ar Ro’du verse 38:
And We have already sent messengers before you and assigned to them wives and descendants. And it was not for a messenger to come with a sign except by permission of Allah . For every term is a decree.
And in surah Ar Ruum verse 21.
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
The Purpose of Marriage in Islam
Ayatollah Ibrahim Amini, explained about it. Marriage is a natural necessity for every human being. It bears many good outcomes of which the most important ones are:
The formation of a family through which one can find security and peace of mind.
The natural sexual desire is both strong and significant.
Reproduction: Through marriage, the procreation of mankind is continued.
A great deal of emphasis has been given in the Holy Qur’an and the traditions to both marriage and having children. The Almighty Allah states in the Holy Qur’an: “And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves.” (30:21)
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his progeny) stated: “There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage.”
“Imam Ali (peace be upon him) said, “Engage in marriage, because this is the tradition of the Prophet of Allah.”
“The Prophet of Allah further stated: “Whoever chooses to follow my tradition must get married and produce offspring through marriage (and increase the population of Muslims), so that on the Day of Resurrection, I shall confront other Ummah(nations) with the (great) numbers of my Ummah.”
Imam Ali ar-Ridha (peace be upon) stated: ‘The greatest gain for a man is a faithful woman who, when she sees him, becomes happy, and protects his property and her own honor in his absence.”
And now, about wedding. Here, I will not share about my wedding, there was nothing special about mine. But, I would love to share our sister’s wedding ( Theresa Corbin ). Theresa shares how a modest budget for her nikah and walimah resulted in a special, personal and memorable ceremony. Read more at My $5 wedding.
I also loved Papatia’s writing about her marriage. A great muslimah choose a good husband and vice versa; for pure women are for pure men. She is obedient and respectful to him. He also respects her in return. She is lovely to her husband and eager to please him. You can read more about it at Marriage: a half of my dien.
Barakallahu lakuma wabaroka ‘alaikuma, wa jama’a bainakuma fii khoir.