بسم الله الرّحمن الرّحيم

Dear my lovely friends and fellow bloggers,

This time, I want to share a few popular questions especially for girls before and after their marriages. These “beautiful” questions are base on my experience and other facts in my tribal/ community. I don’t know exactly the other tradition in any region of my country.

I ever gotten all the questions, and I would argue that the questions can make girls so hard facing their lives. The people gave these to the girls over and over, from generation to generation.

Please check the questions below!

1. Where do you school?

If a girl has chosen continuing her studies to the university or college, ordinarily she will get this question from her big family, her neighbors and from some relatives of her parent. They ask about school in detail, what her program is, what her performance is, and so on.

Some of girls prefer to get a job directly after finishing their Senior High School than to continue their study, and so do their parents. Parents who have high education will choose a bonafide  university for their girls. So lucky, the girls who have parents like these.

foto kote
Students of Bakrie University.

2.What is your job?

What about a girl who prefer to find a job than to continue her studies?

Some people still ask her. Also in detail, what her job is, where she gets a job, how many her salary is, how high her position is, and etc. Someone who gets good job can answer this question proudly. Getting a good job is one of standard of success in life. It’s according to person’s mind that put wealth as his mind goal in life.

3. Do you have a boyfriend?

For a girl, this question sometimes can make hurt her heart. We can’t imagine how hard she has to answer it. If a girl answer “Yes I have”, the people will feel happy and motivate her to keep him well. That’s so strange, because Islam itself doesn’t allow it. Gone out with a boy who is not mahram with her, is forbidden within our deen. On the contrary, the people will give many question to a girl who answer “No, I don’t have, and I won’t find a boyfriend except a man for my husband in future.”

            Why you don’t try to find a boyfriend? You need a man to be your spouse, so you should find him. How could you’ll get your marriage if you avoid men?

In this situation, a girl has to be patient to face this fact. She has to have a good principle and hold on it strongly.  The people may offer their opinions, but they can not interfere the life of other, of course.

4.When will you get your marriage?

A girl who has age 22 or up , will feel uncomfortable with their community where she lives. The people will never stop from asking upon girl.

Maybe she will think, is it as a good attention for her or just platitude from the community of hers?

The range of age for marriage that were accepted by people in my community , for female 17 to 25 and for male 25 to 40, and sometime the age for male it isn’t an important point, conversely it’s very important thing for female. When the people see a girl among them who has age more than 30 years old, and doesn’t have her marriage yet, it will be so strange.

“Why she doesn’t have a spouse ? She is an old lady, when will she marry a man? What  would she find in this life, career or marriage?”


5.Has Allah rewarded your marriage with a baby?

Do you think the people will stop from asking, when a girl has a marriage?

The people still has the other questions for her, anyhow she has a husband.

“Hey, young lady! Make your baby, please! It’d be nice! Your marriage without baby within it, is nonsense. Without baby, it’d be insipid. Sadly.”

The such question often makes a trouble for a new couple, especially for a wife. Her husband and her big family should console her, a baby is such blessing from Allah, if Allah will, He will give one to this couple. The important thing, they should believe it well. Don’t waste the time for thinking that stupid question. In a fact, the people can not make a baby, if Allah doesn’t will. Keep smile, please!

 6. When your kid will have younger brother/ sister?

“Your kid needs friend for playing at home. It’s time for you giving him/her a younger brother/sister. S/he will grow well and happily.”


7. When and to where your kid will start his/her studies?

Now, a girl has a wonderful husband and nice kid. A happy family. But, wait, do the people feel enough from asking? Oh, no they don’t. Next question is about studies of the kid.

In particular, when the kid in pre-school age. The big family, also neighbors often ask about his/her school.

            “Is s/he schooling?”

If s/he is schooling, a parent can answer it nicely. Then explain that they have sent their kid to favorite kindergarten. It is not a problem for them to answer. What about the other parent who chose home as basic education for kid?

Many of people do know, learning is something activity that should be done at school at an early age. But the other parent believe, the first school  is MOM and home as the first base education, before the kid starting his/her studies to other school. Let’s see the beautiful word below!

أَلْأُمُّ  هِيَ اَلْمَدْرَسَةُ الْأُولَي

Mom is the first school.

It doesn’t mean the child will study at home forever, s/he needs the other environments, such as school, college and university, except for a parent who decided making homeschooling for kid. It’s a choise.

This is the last question that a girl/ woman will receive. Next question is back to the first question. The people will ask these over and over again.

Better for girl knowing that everyone has different opinion. The people may offer these questions, but they can’t force someone to follow their minds. A girl has some right to choose what should she does or shouldn’t she does. She has a freedom  choosing her way in her future life. SURELY.



  1. Great post sis, ma shaa Allah! I have to say that #3 really bothers me: when I was a teenager it was strictly forbidden to even talk to boys, and now finding a ‘boyfriend’ is encouraged, Astaghfirullah 😦 It seems as though, slowly we are losing our religion, May Allah SWT guide us all, Ameen!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, that question really…really bothers the girls. I still remember when I studied at SHS the last grade, I and my friends discussed about “dating” according to Islam. Does Islam allow it? I found the answer, Islam doesn’t allow it and will never allow the bad act like that. A lot of my friends didn’t agree with me and accused me, that I was an abnormal girl. LOL. Yeah, every person has opinion, BUT Islam is The TRUE guidance. Thank you very much for nice comment, Sister, and your great dua. ❤ أمين أللهمّ أمين
      إهدنا الصراط المستقيم

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Being a Feminist and having faced this sort of interrogation from prospective in-laws and marriage seekers, I can safely say that its time we girls/women took matters in our hands. It is appalling that we are treated as children of lesser Gods because we were born as girls, patriarchal problems from societies needed to be dismantled and great of you sister to write this.

    Liked by 1 person

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